Are You The Next Victim of Rape?

Stop RapeAfter a day of pondering the verdict and sentencing for the two Steubenville High School footballs stars, Trent Mays, 17, who had been a quarterback, and Ma’lik Richmond, 16, who had played wide receiver, I am not so sure they are the only people responsible in this attack. What responsiblity does the 16-year-old victim have in this attack?

Please notice that I did label this girl as a VICTIM. There is no excuse for any person to abuse and/or take advantage of anyone EVER!!!! According to reports, she was at a house drinking with several other students. Forced or unknown drugs given to the victim was not reported. So, I think about the actions that lead up to this teenage girl waking up naked surrounded by three male schoolmates. According to her testimony she had no memory of anything aside from a brief vomiting episode, woken up the next morning naked in the basement living room surrounded by Mr. Mays, Mr. Richmond and another boy, with no idea where she was or how she had gotten there and unable to find her underwear, shoes, earrings or phone. Therefore, we can assume she made a decision to drink underage and break the law.

We can blame the parents of the boys for raising two young men who chose to abuse a person in need of help rather than assist. We can blame her parents for raising a child who ignores the laws and her own safety. We can also blame the home owner of the home she got drunk in AND the home she was found in. But, will this blame game address the issue that this 16-year-old could have protected herself in the first place. If this young lady obeyed the law and chose to make her safety and well-being number one maybe she could have stopped this crime from happening to her.

I remember as a child my father talking about the Mike Tyson rape case: A young 18-year-old beauty pageant contestant, left her hotel room at 1:36 am, voluntarily got into Mike Tyson‘s limousine, went to his hotel room, and later into Tyson’s bedroom, and later reported she was raped. My father’s response? Besides berating and demonizing Mike Tyson he also said… “Why is this young woman leaving with a man she does not know at one in the morning?” He turned to me and my three sisters and said, “Take responsibility for yourself and your actions. Don’t put yourself in harm’s way.”

The Steubenville rape victim did not take the steps to protect herself from harm, by the way she drank to unconsciousness. As a female we know men prey upon us. Rape is not going away. I would love for men (and women) to wise up and stop attacking and abusing one another. The reality is 1 in 5 women are or will be raped. According to the CDC, the high estimate of women raped per year is 1.3 million. This kind of attack on women is not decreasing, but in situations that we can deter the chances we have to do so.

In many rape attacks women cannot stop the rape and we don’t live through it. The vicious rape attack and murder of Jyoti Singh Pandey in Delhi India, is one of the most recent horrors. The Steubenville rape victim was lucky, but I hope this rape case starts a discussion that all girls, teenage girls, and adults need to have. Pay close attention to how you conduct yourself and protect yourself from people who prey upon the weak and incoherent. We don’t have to stop wearing our mini skirts or stop drinking. We do have to always think of the worst case scenario and live out our lives with a wise plan to see the next day.

Etiquette 101 is taking care of you so you can see the next day with joy and excitement.

If you like this blog purchase the e-book Hot Girl Etiquette: A Modern Guide to Manners & A Properly Fabulous Life on AmazoniTunes, and Nook


  1. Well said! I agree with both you and your father…”There is no excuse for any person to abuse and/or take advantage of anyone,” yet use common sense and ,”Don’t put yourself in harm’s way.” Perhaps, it’s not wise to go jogging after dark, take the short cut in the alley or go to the house of someone you’ve just met – no matter how comfortable you seemingly feel. As women we have to protect ourselves and that begins with smart decisions.

  2. Whether you recognize that the girl is a victim or not–you are still in fact blaming the victim with this line of thinking…

    Most everyone at that party was breaking the law–being high school aged and drinking. Is everyone there acting irresponsible? Yes, in a way that many teens do–but nobody there deserved to be raped for that. And the persons responsible for that girls rape are her rapists. They are the ones who carried her around unconscious, recorded and flaunted her rape, pissed on her and then left her on her lawn like garbage. This girl was not “lucky”…

    Rape is, unfortunately, a very common crime (that happens to BOTH men and women by both men and women). We have to teach each others not to rape–not blame women when they “step out of line” because “men prey on women”. This line of thinking is extremely problematic and deeply sexist. Here’s a tip: the right question is not, “What was the victim doing/wearing/saying when they were raped?” The right question is, “What made the rapist think this is acceptable?” Sexual violence is a pervasive problem that cannot be solved by analyzing an individual situation.

    People are not raped because of what they drink. People are not raped because of what they wear. People are not raped because of where they are. People are not raped based on prior activities. People are raped because someone chooses to rape them. Period.

    As women, we are equals who have every right not to live our lives in fear.


    1. Gloria,
      Thank you for your comment. You are so right.
      I do hope you get to read my blog entry about rape. I think you will find that our views are the similar, but my goal is to help women stay safe the best they can.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s